Oct 24, 2023
October 19th 2023 Qixin Rd Line 12
THE HARE: Iron Bitch
PACK: 5 (2 walkers 1 hare 2 runners)
EXPECTATIONS: I expected to be a long way from civilization Weather: Damned if you do, damned if you don’t
The 705th DOGS hash ever
I arrived at the start, after a 4 hour train ride from downtown, to find Horny Hound and RPL supping beers at the restaurant next to the restaurant. No hare, or indeed any other runners were to be seen. “We found cold beer” they both exclaimed in unison, which was good, as this far out of town sometimes the locals don't bother with refrigeration. Putin sent a message in the group that he was running late, which as we know could mean anything, and eventually the hare appeared, looking a bit flustered. He was surprised that more runners didn’t make it out to buttfucknowhere and explained to me that this could be an issue. “The trail is 10km, the markings are a bit sketchy as I ran out of time, and there’s lots of checks”. At this point I had decided to grab a beer and just do a small walk with the chaps, which would have been the sensible option. Putin then turned up, and decided on behalf of both of us that we would indeed attempt the trial, I mean trail. The hare gave me some tips, left left right left follow water blah blah blah, and we were off.
Off we went down the road, following flour, came to the first check, and I remembered I was told “go into the compound”. We entered the compound and sure enough, found trail. Cool I thought. We followed the flour for a couple of hundred metres and came across another check by a canal marked as an McD logo. “Follow the water,” I recalled. This is where it all went wrong. We ended up going 500 metres on a small mud trail, around the canal to a dead end. We went through someone's backyard and eventually found a road but no trail. We then ran around and around, dead end after dead end, until we eventually found flour. Unfortunately, this was the in-trail, so it didn't help. 4km later we managed to get to another exit and then, flour, rah rah rah!
The next couple of clicks were well marked so not too much trouble, however, the checks were looooong, so the KM’s were clocking up. At 7km I decided it was time for beer so I shortcutted back to A for a respectable 9.2km, Putin decided to carry on and try to solve the check I gave up on!
Back at A, I found the Hare, Horny Hound and RPL sitting outside the not bash bash place with coldish beers on hand. They immediately tried to convince me to go straight to dinner, even though it was only 8:30. “No, I need to cool down and have a beer and Putin isn't back yet!” said I. After managing to convince HH to run the circle, we were still waiting for PPP to find his way back, he started regaling us with a story about a hole in a wall, at which point I figured it would be wise to go get my shit and get changed. I went into the bash place and was confronted with some angry waiting staff babbling some nonsense in Chinese. I smiled and left to go back to the circle.Time was a’cracking on and still no Putin, so we did indeed pack up and go into the bash, leaving messages for our lost dog.
It became apparent that what the locals were telling me was that even though they didn’t close until 10pm, the chef fucked off at 9, so none of the dishes were available. This was a concern, especially as we had Putin’s bag and he wasn’t answering his phone. Nevertheless, we proceeded to try the other restaurants in the mall, without much joy. Eventually we got to pizza marzano, and they said yes, we can make some pizza for you, yippee. I asked them if they had cold beer and they said “certainly sir, we have 2 types of cold beer, Hoegaarden and Peroni”, that’s good, said I, can we have 5 pints of your finest Peroni good sir. I’m afraid we have sold out of Peroni, would you care for a Hoegaarden? Fuck you
RPL and I then went to Hema and got some proper beer and a bottle of Tabasco, which was a good move.
Eventually Putin turned up after completing his 18km DOGS trail. Stirling job by the hare who has now promised to set the same trail for those pesky Sunday Hashers, good luck to em.
Next Week’s Run:
Next week will be the annual St Crispin’s Day Run, hared by yours truly. A to A run from Pushkin Square
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