Jan 25, 2024
January 25th 2024
THE HARE: The Iron Bitch PACK: 7
EXPECTATIONS: A non-typical Burns Night Weather: Clear and cold
The 719th DOGS hash ever Attendees:
Dinglo, Putin's Poisonous Poodle, Search and Rescue Dog, RPL, SSSP, The Iron Bitch, 3DS
Seven DOGS showed up at the start, despite the unreasonably low temperature, all looking forward to an excellent run / walk on a beautiful clear night with an (almost) full moon.
Three runners included Putin’s Poisonous Poodle (on time for a change, perhaps due to a recent bump on the head?), SSSP and 3DS. 3DS was doubtful about whether he’d actually be able to run the whole trail due to a recent injury but decided to give it a go anyway. The hare took him aside and explained that if he needed a shortcut the run would go past A after about 5 km (that’s my story and I am sticking to it!) so he could drop out after the first loop if he wished. The remaining four, including the hare, set off to walk a different route and, apparently, add a few more kilometres to the running trail while they were at it!
Only 150m into the trail and 3DS decided it was all too much and gave up running. He returned to the restaurant to collect some additional clothes and set out to walk the first part of the running trail. It did not take him long to rejoin the runners who were as usual lost at the first check. 3DS soon found flour and shouted ‘on-on’ only to be reminded that that was in fact the in-trail, as had been explained to him by the hare before the start. A slightly inauspicious start but at least nothing else could possibly go wrong after that!
PPP eventually found the trail and generously (foolishly) went back to find SSSP. 3DS somehow found himself ahead of the pack at the second check. He and PPP checked in each possible direction several times before eventually finding the on-on which was only about 200m away. SSSP was nowhere to be found.
Again, 3DS was first to the next check and had checked in more or less every direction before PPP arrived and immediately found the on-on. At this point 3DS wished PPP a good run and hoped not to see him again until the end. No such luck as not long after that the trail came to a bridge over a river. 3DS was just wondering whether to cross the bridge or explore the path along the river to the right when back came PPP who had run all the way across the river, apparently on trail, before finally realising that this was in fact a false trail.
Again, the intrepid pair set off along the river together. This was to be the last time that they met up but 3DS was still hopeful that eventually he might be joined by SSSP. That did not happen as, as eventually became obvious, SSSP had for some reason decided to run the trail backwards, marking his progress with chalk as he went.
The 5km that 3DS was expecting soon turned into almost 9km and took him an hour and 45 minutes to complete. The other DOGS became concerned for his health wondering if by chance he had been attacked by angry townsfolk with bottles. Rather than send out a search party they sent him a few wechat messages and started the circle without him. It being -1C, they also finished the circle without him and went inside to eat.
3DS eventually arrived, fortunately before the food. Shortly after a solitary stick with four limp half cooked potato slices arrived, followed by a solitary roasted green paper and what looked like the accompanying pancakes, endives and plum sauce for Beijing Duck, but without the duck. The waitress came in and asked if any of us spoke Chinese. PPP immediately volunteered (I can’t think why) and was told that one of the dishes ordered was for hotpot and, since we’d not ordered hotpot, it might not taste very nice. Shortly after a plate of garlic flavoured eggplant (aubergine) arrived and so post-run starvation was avoided. RPL tried several times to ask the waitress what should be eaten with the pancakes etc, but he did not get any answer. Dingo reminisced about how, in the old days,
all foreigners were assumed to love garlic flavoured eggplant. Soon we were all talking about how all taxi drivers in Shanghai used to think that all foreigners wanted to go to the
Port-a-man, except Search and Rescue Dog whose rickshaw driver apparently thought he lived in the bars on Huashan Lu.
Just after the eggplant arrived RPL announced that Hair of the Dog had just sent 5,000 RMB to his alipay account. We are not sure why he did that but we think that the waitress had somehow been in touch with Hair of the Dog and had explained to him that his friends were so poor that they could only afford one limp potato stick. RPL was unable to send the money back to Hair of the Dog so we’ve put it in the kitty for future use!
At long last PPP took control of the situation and went in search of the waitress. Shortly after another 6 limp potato sticks arrived along with 6 more roasted peppers, 7 yang-rou-chuan, 7 lamb ribs, some fried rice and – you’ve guessed it – 6 more garlic flavoured eggplant! We managed to negotiate the eggplant down to only 4 plates in total, so that was good. RPL again asked what he was supposed to do with the pancakes and was finally told that he could do whatever he liked with them (within reason, of course). Eventually (thank the big dog in the sky) four plates of delicious dumplings arrived and so the pack was finally satisfied!
It being January there were 3 dry DOGS, 2 voluntary (3DS and Search and Rescue Dog) and one involuntary (guess who?). 3DS and Search and Rescue Dog are looking forward to being nominated as beer bitches next week!
- (no comments)